Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Hurdles of Living As A Christian Single Isn't Just A Girl Thing Part 1

The False Perceptions:

I feel bad for many of the single women I know who try and remain faithful without allowing society's pressures of getting married right away take over them. I have seen as many Christian women cry, stress over, and sometimes even lose their faith in God because they felt as though they were faithful all this time, did everything they were supposed to do, and end the end were burnt of felt like they got the short end of the stick. Many times when I console them the response is usually like:

"How would you know Xavier? You're not a girl, it's different"


Trust me when I say this: "Although the sexes are different and the roles that we may play in dating or marriage are different there is still a struggle with being single and a Christian"

Being a male, even a Christian male, there is still a pressure to live up to a certain view or standard when it comes to women. Being in my 20's (also yes a virgin, saving it till marriage) and being single people assume either 3 things:

#1: Your gay and you won't admit it

I have gotten this countless times where people think because I haven't had sex or constantly date or won't date girls who want to have sex that I am gay. Family, friends, co-workers all at one point or another have assumed because of the path and the standards that I have chosen that I am a closeted gay man who is repressing my homosexual desires and the fear of being disapproved from society through abstinence and religion.

#2: You're a man whore

When talking about my abstinence I once had a Youth Pastor shocked because he had assumed I wasn't a virgin, and many people as well think the same. Sadly to say in this day in age abstinence among Christians isn't high anymore. As soon as you start dating a girl, the automatic assumption being made is that you've slept with her or did everything but have sex. In my group of friends I am one of the last few virgins, (In both my Christian and Non-Christian circles). I am a pretty outgoing guy so when being single for this long you learn how to casually communicate with both sexes and form friendships. Dating to me has been a struggle, but having close legitimate female friends never was. So at times when I talk to people about this topic, unless they know I am an abstinent virgin, they automatically assume that I am a man whore. They see all the female friends that I am close with and assume that I've slept with a majority of them and that I fear commitment (I'll talk about my fear in relationships another day).

#3: There is something wrong with you

"Xavier I don't get it, you're friendly, your not bad looking, your a what's wrong with you?" The question of friends that I have heard so much it is to the point that I will purposely ignore their calls because I know that question is going to find its way into the conversation. I have spent countless hours with different people with their Psycho-5-Minute-Analysis of me and try to basically pin point all the problems and solutions to my singleness.

"You are too picky"

"You don't know what you want"

(Again) "You have a fear of commitment"

"You can't let that one girl in the past ruin all the other girls out there"

"You should just randomly date"

"I think your Christian walk is ruining your dating life"

"You have sex just once, let it out of your system and it'll make dating easier"

"You should go on OkCupid. eHarmony, Match.Com, PlentyOfFish, ChristianMingle, ChristianSingle"

"Just date a girl who isn't a Christian"

Usually when they talk to me I am like this:

But inside I'm feeling like this:

Again I am not saying that one struggle is harder than the other, if anything it's opposite sides of the same coin.

Verses To Remember During This Time:

The Christian walk was never meant to be easy at any point in time. If that was the case then there would be more Christians. Not saying that being called gay or picky is the pinnacle of persecution, but it can slowly wear away at your faith that at times you begin to internalize negative thoughts. The Bible is there to provide us with a means of dealing with the issue. Wither you are a guy or a girl.

2 Timothy 3:12:  "Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted"

 1 Peter 3:17: "For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil."

1 Peter 4:12-14: "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you."

Matthew 5:10: “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

John 15:19: "If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."

Again being a single, wither you are a guy or girl. You are going to face issues and be made fun of and the butt of all jokes but hold fast and know that in the end God has a plan for your life and the persecution that you face now will pay off in the future. Have Hope! Keep the Faith!