Despite me being single, I had my fair share of heartbreak. I think because I've never been in a lot of solid relationships, many times people think I don't know how it is to face disappointment
But the truth is I have. I know how it's like to meet a girl who speaks to you on every level. A woman who loves God, makes you laugh, and just makes you feel more great about yourself. Like she compliments you in everyway.
Then out of no where she ends it...
"Sorry Xavier, I'm just not ready for a relationship"
"I ran into my ex and all these feelings came up and I'm just confused"'
"I'm actually talking to someone right now.."
"I see you as a friend"
(All four were told to me this year alone)
You ask yourself what happened? Everything was cool just a week ago. They were the ones that pursued you, that showed interest in you, told you how much they liked you then all of a sudden they change their minds like that!? That quick!? Had the roles reversed and I treated them they way they treated me and then told them what they told me, I would have been seen as a player, a flirt, a jerk, and fake Christian and the list goes on and on.
I just remember being so upset with God and so upset each time a situation with a girl ended.
"How can they do this to me, after all that I did and tried my best to be the best Christian guy I can be. I opened up to them only because they pursued me and lead me to believe they wanted something serious. God how could you let something like this happen!?"
The resentment builds up. It's a mix of anger and shame.
Anger due to the fact that we felt betrayed and mislead, and shame because we felt so venerable like our emotions were undressed in the cold.
You don't know how much anger I was carrying with me when it came to these girls. Especially my ex.
The reason why this is being brought up is just because you are single does not mean that all those pains and troubles that you have will just go away on its own. You are still carrying emotional baggage with you where ever you go. The path of being single is more than just not being with someone, it's also a mindset you need to have. To be ready to serve God you need to know how to give up those emotional baggage to Him.
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7In this verse in the original context was an encouragement to other Christians facing physical abuse so now I am using this verse to encourage Christians facing emotional abuse
Jesus did not die on the cross for us to carry the burden for ourselves. When we gave our lives to Christ we gave Him everything. Our wants, our dreams, our desires and that also includes our anxiety, our hurt, our pain. When a guy or girl does you wrong, breaks your heart, or disappoints you, whatever hurt you feel, cast all that heart break upon to Lord for Him to heal you and guide you through it.
Part of the healing process is forgiveness.
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." -Ephesians 4:32You don't know how many girls I know go through this issue with men. I have one female friend that till this day when I speak to her will bring up men from almost 8 years ago and all this pain and hurt they brought her. And she carries that with her every time she talks to someone new. When I talk to people like this it reminds me of the show Hoarders
If you never have watched the show, its about people who collect all this trash and junk over LOOONNNGGG periods of time and it just piles up and piles up and piles up till its almost impossible to live there anymore until people come and clean up the clutter in their house. The people who own these houses the whole time fight to keep all this stuff and it's just so hard for them to let go.
Our disappointment and hurt is like that sometimes. We collect all these emotions over LOOONNNGGGGG periods of times and the emotions just keep on piling up and piling up and piling up until its almost unbearable to deal with it anymore. But guess what?
Jesus is there to clean it up. But we need to know how to let go of it. We need to know how to forgive those who wronged us, who disappointed us. We don't forgive to then invite them back into our lives for the potential for us to get hurt again, but we forgive because Christ forgave us first so we need to forgive others.
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." - Matthew 6:14-15We can't carry this sin as well when we come to God:
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” - Matthew 5:23-24
"Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us" - Luke 4:11God has great things for you during your season of singleness. But during this time of singleness think if there has been anybody that has hurt you? Disappointed you? Did you forgive them? Are you hoarding all these emotions that Jesus wants out of you for Him to cast on His shoulders?
Take this time to pray and one cast all anxiety on God and pray forgiveness for those who did wrong to you.