Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Seeking counsel from Non-Christians

Like I have mentioned various times before I have two set of friends. Those that are Christians and those that don't make Christianity a huge priority in their lives. Both groups of friends are great and ultimately I know deep down in side want the best for me. The only thing is that their definition of what's "best" is different.

With the New Year comes reflection and I have reflected a whole lot. I have realized that as much as I have been hurt by girls, I have done my fair share of damage done. I can sit here and complain that I am lonely when I can look back at the countless times girls have pursued me or friends have set me up with girls and I have told them "no". The reason for me saying "no" has always been for, in my mind, justifiable reasons. But it has been enough that this year I am going to make an active attempt to stand clear of any set ups or people showing interest, unless God says, "here you go, I choose her for you wither you say yes or no". 

What the heck does this have to do with counsel Xavier?

This is something I want to tell all my friends about. I want to speak and talk to my friends about this choice that I have made and I want them to help me during this path of singleness. I want them to keep me accountable whenever I might be unintentionally misleading to a girl. I want them to keep me grounded and away from the "What if" scenarios that pop up every time I see a girl I think is cute. I want them to remind me to focus on the ministries that I have committed myself to and to focus on my school work. 

But that is the tough thing about seeking the counsel and advice of those that walk in the path of Christ and those that don't. Again I am in no place to place judgment on anyone and I am not, but there is something about seeking those that are in Christ and those that are not. Had I read that statement of singleness to many of my Christian friends they would have heard it and 100% agreed with me and helped me. On the other hand those that aren't really in Christ would have heard that and probably laughed and thought that was crazy and that I was "over reading into things" "to just continue dating around" that " that is what dating is all about". But the path and perspective they are in is different than yours.

To many a path is a path, it'll eventually lead to somewhere. But that is the difference between the narrow path and the wide path. In the narrow path you may not be able to see what's at the end of the path but at least you can see the sides of the path and you know what direction to walk to. The thing about a path that is wide is that, it came be so wide that you don't know if you're actually moving forward or just walking from one side to the other side. This gives you a certain perspective on life and how you want to walk it. Not saying I am always on the straight path because TRUST me I am still trying my very best to make my path more and more narrow. But for those that are committed to the narrow path, be weary of the advice you take from those that are not on the same path as you especially when it comes to dating. 

Put it this way: 

If you were headed to Atlantic City, New Jersey and your friend was headed to Newark, New Jersey and this friend tried telling you that you're headed the wrong way and that you need to follow them. In your mind you'd think that they were crazy, you wouldn't follow their advice obviously but why is your friend trying to steer you in the wrong direction? 

 And part of the reflection of the past year that is one of the things I came to realize.

In all honesty, not to start off the New Years on a somber note, but many of the friends that are close to me I realize rejoice when I stray from my Christian walk. What's shameful for me to admit is that I joke around with them about it, and laugh with them but honestly deep down inside it makes me wonder about them. It is interesting with some group of friends, when you tell them to do the right thing, they fight you tooth and nail and complain that you are not accepting them for who they are, but when it comes to what you stand for and your beliefs they are willing to quickly try and change and corrupt that. To tell them that their views of women or men is truly degrading and shameful is met with scorn but your virtues of maintaining your virginity is met with jokes and a constant reminder that you in many ways are less of a man because of your sexual inexperience. But things like that are to be expected because what they want out of life is very different than what you want out of life. 

Not saying turn a deaf ear to all your friends and the advice they give you because I have had great advice from people who weren't Christian and bad advice from those who are Christians, but be mindful on the people and the advice they give. Questions to ask yourself when someone gives you advice is, 

"Does this advice help and advance or hurt and hinder my walk with Christ?"


"Hey you need to sleep with them now before you get married because what if they suck at sex? This way you'll know before hand and you won't be tied down to someone who sucks at sex" 

Does this advice help and advance or hurt and hinder my walk with Christ?

"You should talk to multiple girls/dudes at a time just play the field and see what's out there. They are probably doing that to you so why not do the same to them?"

Does this advice help and advance or hurt and hinder my walk with Christ?

"Just do everything BUT sex. You'll still be a virgin when you get married"

Does this advice help and advance or hurt and hinder my walk with Christ?

"It's okay if you talk to him/her while they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. They are not married so who is to say you can't steal them away from their current relationship"**

Does this advice help and advance or hurt and hinder my walk with Christ?

"I know they are not a Christian but just date them anyway"

Does this advice help and advance or hurt and hinder my walk with Christ?

While on this path of singleness avoid the potholes of bad advice as much as you can. People at times have the best intentions (Not always, but sometimes) but think: Does this advice help and advance or hurt and hinder my walk with Christ? Because take it from me it makes the path a lot rougher when you take that hurts your walk with Christ. 

**FYI RESPECT RELATIONSHIPS!!! I like many people have met someone who is in a relationship and thought "Crap they are so cute and we get a long so well I wish they were single", but I would never do anything to sabotage the relationship. Cheating is still cheating. Even if you are not in relationship, you are cheating when you are talking to someone who is currently in a relationship and you are pursuing and fooling around with that person. If they break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend that is fine. But until they are fully apart, stay away.