First I would like to apologize for the gap of the blog posts. I was going through some minor personal issues that was delaying the blog.
OK now that, that is out of the way here
The Relevant article is here
Debra K Fileta is my favorite writers in Relevant Magazine because she does a good job writing on the topic of singleness, dating, and marriage. Here is her book (I might have to check it out one of these days)
She brings a great point in the article that being single has to do more about who you are than who you are with. We need to take time to true and figure ourselves out and what we are about.
"So many times, our years of singleness are spent focusing on who we’re going to be with, rather than who we are. Countless hours and limitless energy are poured into getting to know the person standing before us, many times, at the neglect of ourselves. We can spend so much time trying to find the right person, that we actually lose ourselves in the process."
On this road of singleness there are A LOT of things that I was able to realize about myself. One being that I have an issue of being vulnerable
I placed myself in countless situations, rushed into them and getting myself hurt, and also I have so much going on between, school, church, and work that to be honest with myself I don't know if I even have time for a girlfriend.
For many of us we have issues with sexual impurity, vanity, greed, or envy, and although no one is perfect and engaging in a Godly relationship is not between two Godly Christians but rather two broken people, these are things that we should work on while single. Many people think
"When I'm in a relationship it'll be easier to deal with my (sexual impurity, vanity, greed, envy..etc)"
When if anything it makes it HARDER.
Lust especially is tougher when you're with someone else, but what I always prided myself on was on the fact that I am a virgin who was going to wait for marriage and my friends would always throw the "What If" scenarios and I would say with pride "Nope I can say 'No'" fast-forward to laying on the couch with my then girlfriend, just us two, and we've been making out for about two hours and I allow my hands to creep up her shirt and under her bra.
I would love to say that was only once but...NOPE...every single time afterwards I felt my hands to the same over and over again. Thank God she was a stronger Christian than me and never allowed things to progressively get worse but it opened my eyes that I am not as strong as I thought I was. It should not just be the woman's role in the relationship to have self control but the man if anything should be stronger in that area and set the boundaries.
Sometimes it's not even what we are doing that we need to correct but what we are NOT doing (Reading the Bible, serving, praying, fasting)
Many of us are so desperate for a girlfriend or boyfriend that we cram them into a world that they do not fit into yet. Everything has a time and a place, and when we invited Christ into our life, we gave Him authority over every aspect of ourselves including our love life.
In the end of it all it's more about who are than who you are with
"It’s hard not to be single-minded when you’re on the search for love (no pun intended). It’s easy to focus in on your desires in the here and now. But the truth is, finding a relationship is just part of God’s bigger story for your life. I think the most foundational truth that I’ve learned now that I’m a married woman is that my life has far more to do with finding my purpose than it ever did with finding someone to marry."